Death of the dating app? Maybe the online dating industry takes its users for granted

Have you seen recent news about ‘death of the dating apps’? Articles point to a reduction in usage and profits. They look for sociological reasons. But those of us who actually use the platforms know why - and it ain’t rocket science!

Marketing for online dating makes it sound like a delightful walk in the park. Reviews list all the positive features and give consistently high ratings (only a few admit: ‘we may earn commission when you click a link or buy a product’).

But what do real users say?

‘All dating sites are a waste of time and money. If you want to chat to someone, go to Asda where you can chat all day long for free’ (Trustpilot)

‘There are plenty of sites for older people. They are all bad in different ways. Expect bottom of the barrel communication and be sure to take plenty of mental health breaks’ (Reddit)

‘When I matched with someone, I’d have a bet with my friend how long before the picture of their aubergine came through’ (Mumsnet)

To be fair, comments do include the odd shining example of women who have struck lucky. But my visceral reaction from Day 1 was: what the hell is wrong with these sites (or… with me … surely not)?!? Why have I been matched with Victor, a 24 year old ‘firefighter, bodybuilder and sex machine’ who lives 150 miles away and can’t spell his own name?

Photo by Mohamed Nohassi

Fortunately I have a warped sense of humour and decided to capitalise on the daily comedy material that comes my way. So, money well spent.

---

Online platforms have been remarkably successful - the global online dating market is worth nearly $10 billion USD. So rumours about the death of the industry may be exaggerated but there are definitely some red flags. For Match, the parent company of Tinder, Hinge and OKCupid, paying users fell by a million last year. In 2021, the former Queen Bee of Bumble became the world’s youngest female billionaire but then got stung as Bumble shares took a nose-dive

I’m wondering whether this big drop in revenue will help them grasp the unromantic truth - it’s not us, it’s them. And they better stop taking us for granted.

Some users suspect that dating sites and apps are deliberately designed not to work. And based on my own experience it’s easy to believe this, even if it’s a conspiracy theory.

I once attended an 50+ singles event, organised by a dating website. Three women sat awkwardly nursing drinks in the upstairs room of a pub. When I complained to Customer ‘Service’ a faceless email address from somewhere like Belarus informed me that the event had actually been cancelled because: ‘it’s hard to find single older men’. I emailed back: ‘Duh! Welcome to my world’ (but only in my head).

The matching algorithms seem ineffective, or perhaps this is due to the quality of the male members (so to speak). For example Julius:

‘About me. OMG... that's good! NEVER EVER try to wake me up when I'm deep asleep, or face an angry hibernating bear to tame... mind the flying pillows!!! UNLESS a real emergency I'd slink back to bed growling angry... oooppssss. Hit like’

Then there’s the strange etiquette rules. I get reprimanded for ‘bullying’ a 21 year old because I tell him the age gap is ridiculous and ask if he’s gigolo. Meantime swarms of scammers, trolls and nefarious con artists get a free pass.

I’ve tried a few dating platforms and discovered that, ’You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave’. Unless you email 1000 times your subscription and profile are going to be there until you die.

---

So how can the online dating industry revive its fortunes?

1. Find out more about actual users and what they want

   • Grindr are doing well financially because their offering is very clear. Fit men wanting sex with other fit men (they claim to be LGBTQ but the landing page suggests otherwise).

   • Gen Z apparently want to ‘meet cute’, despite this butchery of the English language. Ideally they want to experience the torrid emotions of a chance meeting like in ‘Brief Encounter’. Or at least a virtual simulation of this in the gaming space - easier as involves no conversations with real humans.

   • Boomers are more likely to stick to a website on a laptop than fiddle around with fuzzy text on a mobile. We may be less inclined to look for frequent hook-ups too, deterred by arthritis and knowing that time is of the essence.

2. Put more effort into the User Experience

   • Make the user interface more intuitive. Cut the patronising dialogues.

   • Get Customer Care to care about customers

Bring in AI to assist with the matching process or even to help the clueless - yep that’s usually men. ‘Hi James. I see you have chosen a photograph of yourself dressed as a giant tortoise. Really? You do realise that no woman will ever swipe right on that, don’t you?’

---

As for me, I’ve been chatting to my friend Carrie about setting up a dating agency. I will use my hard-won knowledge about match-making and she will take professional photographs. Then, like the people who work in charity shops, we’ll steal the best stock before anyone else gets a look-in.